the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You're like the curious george of whores
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
