I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to sanitize my soul.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
