I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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