don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
