Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
