If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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