so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
