he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
