btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
