Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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