my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
