No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
