She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
