Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I understand Curling. That high.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
