I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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