Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
