Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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