You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
