So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
