YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
