I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
