I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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