i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
