Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
