so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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