we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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