Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I could fuck to npr.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
