I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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