Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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