...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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