i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
