At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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