The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
