All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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