I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
