Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
