call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
