I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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