I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
