every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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