Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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