You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
