just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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