Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So much rum. So many feels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
why is half of my head shaved?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
