I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
