she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
