Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
