Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
