I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
