Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
