his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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