Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
