She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
