I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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