I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
