just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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