the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
